.........
So school Starts today...well Physical School, I've been doing online school since mid August. My goal is to finish this school year.
But I also have another goal now.
I want to be a size 4 by the time school closes.
I measured my waist and pulled the tape very tightly around to see how small my waist could be and I got 26in. My normal waist is a 30 but that tight number got me thinking. I could do it.
My chest I hope will shrink. Im a 36D now. It'd be nice If I could drop to a C cup, or a B!
I think that a B cup is the most versatile cup size to have. I mean You can have a chest when you want it and get ride of it when you don't!!
Also It'd be easier to make my Fran Cosplay if I was a B cup.
My hips however, Im not too sure will shrink......their 41in......A size 4 has a 36in hip...What to do?
I console my self that at one point in my life I was a size 6. If I can be a 6, then 4 isn't too much. Then we'll see where I go from there.
Also I have some happy news. I have a boyfriend now. A Real Boyfriend. Not some guy only wanting sex but a real guy who wants my mind. Im so blissful but....
He's my crushes best friend.
Crush....I can't give him a better name now. He doesn't care about me like I do him. I screwed up with him so he's no longer interested and now has a girlfriend who might I add is waaaaaay heavier than me, shorter than me, more artistic than me...well no... NO!
I'm trying to make it a point to tell myself that I am better than everyone. I know I am and people around me know but don't want to acknoledge it. I am, I am, I am.
My Trainer told me last week that He underestimated me. He said that I was very strong but I wasn't using my mucles. He said I could loose the weight. He said I could be my own dream me.
My crush is Asian, Korean. Most Asians have small bone structures so I kinda thought he'd be into that seeing as his last girlfriend was sorta on the thin but saggy side. But I don't know anymore. I try not to worry about it. I try not to worry about him. He's enjoying his life so I'll just have to enjoy mine.
But I think about it. Especially since his Birthday is on the 19. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to go to his birthday. Hell Im not even sure I want to. It's just that he made this note on Facebook and didn't tag me like he usually does in diffrent things and it hurt me. It's so stupid but it really hurt me. I didn't say anything, but he did add me later on and sent me an invite to the event but that first offence hurt and had me doubting. Im such a fool.
Me the Capricorn and he the Virgo. Even the Stars say we were ment to be! And Damn it we used to talk alot and be on the same page. We'd bother each other (in a good way), annoy each other, love and just connect on so many levels. But I was stupid and I got too excited and I scared him off.
He used to hold me, and lift me up. I always though I was too heavy but he always said that he was strong enough and he was. I loved that. I hate when people lift me but I loved when he did it.
Sometimes I think I love him. In fact I think I do. but what can I do.
I love my boyfriend. Although I would have slightly perfered my crushes other best friend before in place of him, it doesn't matter now. Me and my boyfriend have so much in common..So much in fact it scares me.
We're both Capricorns to start. We both love learning and have a goal of learning as many languages as we can in this life and we're both distant. We talk once in a while and don't see each other often. In fact this is the first time I'm seeing him in over a month.
I don't think that a good thing so I try to talk to him every other day but it takes a while for him to respond and I cry.
I have issues with things like that. I drove my crush away because I wanted to be with him too much, wanted to talk to him too much. I don't want to drive my boyfriend away because of the oposite....Im trying to be balanced.
Im trying to be good.
Im trying so hard with everything but I don't know whats going on....
Anyway, my A1C level droped from 15/16 to 12 which is good. I need to get it to 5/6 but I keep thinking at what cost.
It is So fucking hard to loose any weight when you diabetic. It's the insulin. It loves fat, it wants to keep it and destroy you. Your left with an ultramatium, Loose weight and be sick or be fat and healthy...It's only thouse few people that get that balance and keep it for life. Not a few years but life.....
I have iphone Classic and I tried to get Iphone 3Gs today but Fucking Apple and At&T Rejected me saying my dad had an over due bill so so phone for me...I bearly use my phone. in an avarage month I used 30 out of 200 text and 15 out of 700 mintues + thousands of roll over minutes that just expire each month....Don't even get me started on internet........In short, I used my phone for the music and apps. Id get a touch but Its more conviniate to have the phone as well.
*sigh* What a week, what a summer....I just want School to end so I can have my first summer to myself. No parents, no loves no nothing just me.
In fact for my birthday Im skipping school and going to a damn Spa.
So school Starts today...well Physical School, I've been doing online school since mid August. My goal is to finish this school year.
But I also have another goal now.
I want to be a size 4 by the time school closes.
I measured my waist and pulled the tape very tightly around to see how small my waist could be and I got 26in. My normal waist is a 30 but that tight number got me thinking. I could do it.
My chest I hope will shrink. Im a 36D now. It'd be nice If I could drop to a C cup, or a B!
I think that a B cup is the most versatile cup size to have. I mean You can have a chest when you want it and get ride of it when you don't!!
Also It'd be easier to make my Fran Cosplay if I was a B cup.
My hips however, Im not too sure will shrink......their 41in......A size 4 has a 36in hip...What to do?
I console my self that at one point in my life I was a size 6. If I can be a 6, then 4 isn't too much. Then we'll see where I go from there.
Also I have some happy news. I have a boyfriend now. A Real Boyfriend. Not some guy only wanting sex but a real guy who wants my mind. Im so blissful but....
He's my crushes best friend.
Crush....I can't give him a better name now. He doesn't care about me like I do him. I screwed up with him so he's no longer interested and now has a girlfriend who might I add is waaaaaay heavier than me, shorter than me, more artistic than me...well no... NO!
I'm trying to make it a point to tell myself that I am better than everyone. I know I am and people around me know but don't want to acknoledge it. I am, I am, I am.
My Trainer told me last week that He underestimated me. He said that I was very strong but I wasn't using my mucles. He said I could loose the weight. He said I could be my own dream me.
My crush is Asian, Korean. Most Asians have small bone structures so I kinda thought he'd be into that seeing as his last girlfriend was sorta on the thin but saggy side. But I don't know anymore. I try not to worry about it. I try not to worry about him. He's enjoying his life so I'll just have to enjoy mine.
But I think about it. Especially since his Birthday is on the 19. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to go to his birthday. Hell Im not even sure I want to. It's just that he made this note on Facebook and didn't tag me like he usually does in diffrent things and it hurt me. It's so stupid but it really hurt me. I didn't say anything, but he did add me later on and sent me an invite to the event but that first offence hurt and had me doubting. Im such a fool.
Me the Capricorn and he the Virgo. Even the Stars say we were ment to be! And Damn it we used to talk alot and be on the same page. We'd bother each other (in a good way), annoy each other, love and just connect on so many levels. But I was stupid and I got too excited and I scared him off.
He used to hold me, and lift me up. I always though I was too heavy but he always said that he was strong enough and he was. I loved that. I hate when people lift me but I loved when he did it.
Sometimes I think I love him. In fact I think I do. but what can I do.
I love my boyfriend. Although I would have slightly perfered my crushes other best friend before in place of him, it doesn't matter now. Me and my boyfriend have so much in common..So much in fact it scares me.
We're both Capricorns to start. We both love learning and have a goal of learning as many languages as we can in this life and we're both distant. We talk once in a while and don't see each other often. In fact this is the first time I'm seeing him in over a month.
I don't think that a good thing so I try to talk to him every other day but it takes a while for him to respond and I cry.
I have issues with things like that. I drove my crush away because I wanted to be with him too much, wanted to talk to him too much. I don't want to drive my boyfriend away because of the oposite....Im trying to be balanced.
Im trying to be good.
Im trying so hard with everything but I don't know whats going on....
Anyway, my A1C level droped from 15/16 to 12 which is good. I need to get it to 5/6 but I keep thinking at what cost.
It is So fucking hard to loose any weight when you diabetic. It's the insulin. It loves fat, it wants to keep it and destroy you. Your left with an ultramatium, Loose weight and be sick or be fat and healthy...It's only thouse few people that get that balance and keep it for life. Not a few years but life.....
I have iphone Classic and I tried to get Iphone 3Gs today but Fucking Apple and At&T Rejected me saying my dad had an over due bill so so phone for me...I bearly use my phone. in an avarage month I used 30 out of 200 text and 15 out of 700 mintues + thousands of roll over minutes that just expire each month....Don't even get me started on internet........In short, I used my phone for the music and apps. Id get a touch but Its more conviniate to have the phone as well.
*sigh* What a week, what a summer....I just want School to end so I can have my first summer to myself. No parents, no loves no nothing just me.
In fact for my birthday Im skipping school and going to a damn Spa.
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