Push it.

Argg...Im down to 165 and now heres where my worries begin.....For the life of me I can't seem to reasch 159 at least....very fustrating......I struggle the most to loose any weight below 165......and when I reach that delicate 160-163 I have to fight or I'll wake up 167 again.....Stupid insulin.......


My blood sugar has jumped up for no reason but my A1C level has gone down a point! From 15 to 12 and now 11....Ha, take that you stupid sickness....I'll get you, and get you good...

I want to loose this weight soo fucking bad.....I fit losely in my size 6 jeans but I wanna wear size 4.....I wanna be pretty and thin.....

However I look at my body and I hate it....It seems like no matter how much I loose I still look so bad. Im embarased. David wants to see my belly ring but I don't want to show him..I don't want him to see these stupid ugly love handles and this portruding belly. I don't want him to touch these huge thighs.......

Viseral fat..........How the fuck do I get rid of it? The sooner the better. I want a flat tummy.

I had a dream that I was wonderously thin and beautiful with long flowing hair down my thighs......What a dream.......I want it to come true now....

I estimate from books that hair grows about 6 in every year. I told David this and said that maybe in 2 years time my hair will reach my thighs and hes now overly excited because he loves long hair.....but I see that my hair is breaking and I don't know why and Im fed up with it...I hate it.....I can't style it, I can't comb or brush it with out massive amounts of hair coming out, I can't put any product in it with out my hair getting all gummy and funny feeling....I HATE IT....

All I want is long pretty hair......

All I want is to be cute and thin and fit into thous small Asian one size only clothes without having to pull out a measuring tape and measuring to see if it will fit or not......

I saw a girl at my local mall about my height and ever so skinny...it was scary....I hated her....She complained that everything was too big for her and her shorter boyfriend just laughed and wraped his arms around her slender waist and I just wanted to throw a table at them both......

I hate that so much......

And David, God I love the boy but Damn it. Im the girl, Im suposed to be the skinny one!..

None of Davids clothes will ever fit me, and it's my dream to wear my boyfriends clothes....

I hate myself................

How do I lose this fat......?


I exersise, I eat right and little....but still....I look so bad in clothes and even worst without them.....

I just want to be beautiful......